Paul´s Blog

Informações Inúteis do dia-a-dia

TPM em 4 fases

Segundo a visão masculina, podemos dividir a TPM em 4 fases principais:

Fase 1 – a Fase Meiguinha

Tudo começa quando a mulher começa a ficar dengosa, grudentinha. Bom sinal? Talvez, se não fosse mais do que o normal.
Ela te abraça do nada, fala com aquela vozinha de criança e com todas as palavras no diminutivo. A fase começa chegar ao fim quando ela diz que está com uma vontade absurda de comer chocolate. O que se segue, é uma mudança sutil desse comportamento, aparentemente inofensivo, para um temperamento um pouco mais depressivo.

Fase 2 – a Fase Sensível

Ela passa a se emocionar com qualquer coisa, desde uma pequena rachadura em forma de gatinho no azulejo em frente à privada, até uma reprise de um documentário sobre a vida e a morte trágica de Lady Di. Esse estágio atinge um nível crítico com uma pergunta que assombra todos os homens, desde os inexperientes até os mais escolados como o meu pai:

– Você acha que eu estou gorda?

Notem que não é uma simples pergunta retórica. Reparem na entonação, na escolha das palavras. O uso simples do verbo “estou” ao invés da combinação “estou ficando”, torna o efeito da pergunta muito mais explosiva do que possamos imaginar. E essa pergunta, meus amigos, é só o começo da pior fase da TPM. Essa pergunta é a linha divisória entre essa fase sensível da mulher para uma fase mais irascível.

Fase 3 – a Fase Explosiva

Meus amigos, essa é a fase mais perigosa da TPM.

Há relatos de mulheres que cometeram verdadeiros genocídios nessa fase. Desconfio até que várias limpezas étnicas tenham sido comandadas por mulheres na TPM. Exagero à parte, realmente essa é a pior fase do ciclo tepeêmico. Você chega na casa dela, ela está de pijama, pantufas e descabelada. A cara não é das melhores quando ela te dá um beijo bem rápido, seco e sem língua. Depois de alguns minutos de silêncio total da parte dela, você percebe que ela está assistindo aquele canal japonês que nem ela nem você sabem o nome. Parece ser uma novela ambientada na era feudal. Sem legendas…

Então, meio sem graça, sem saber se fez alguma coisa errada, você faz aquela famosa pergunta: “Tá tudo bem?”

A resposta é um simples e seca: “Ta” sem olhar na sua cara.

Não satisfeito, você emenda um “Tem certeza?”, que é respondido mais friamente com um rosnado baixo e cavernoso “teenhoo..”.

Aí, como somos legais e percebemos que ela não tá muito a fim de papo, deixamos quieto e passamos a tentar acompanhar o que Tanaka está tramando para tentar tirar Kazuke de Joshiro, o galã da novela que…

– Merda, viu!? – ela rosna de repente.

– Que foi?

A Fase Explosiva acaba de atingir o seu ápice com essa pergunta. Sem querer, acabamos de puxar o gatilho. O que se segue são esporros do tipo:

– Você não liga pra mim! Tá vendo que eu to aqui quase chorando e você nem pergunta o que eu tenho! Mas claro! Você só sabe falar de você mesmo! Ah, o seu dia foi uma merda? O meu também! E nem por isso eu fico aqui me lamuriando com você! E pára de me olhar com essa cara! Essa que você faz, e você sabe que me irrita! Você não sabe! Aquele vestido que você me deu ficou apertado! Aaaai, eu fico looooouca quando essas coisas me acontecem! Você também, não quis ir comigo no shopping trocar essa merda! O pior de tudo é que hoje, quando estava indo para o trabalho, um motoqueiro mexeu comigo e você não fez nada! Pra que serve esse seu Jiu Jitsu? Ah, você não estava comigo? Por que não estava comigo na hora? Tava com alguma vagabunda? Aquela sua colega de trabalho, só pode ser ela. E nem pra me trazer uma porra de um chocolate! Cala sua boca! Sua voz me irrita! Aliás, vai embora antes que eu faça alguma besteira. Some da minha frente! Desnorteado, você pede o pinico e vai embora. Tenta dar um beijinho de boa noite e quase leva uma mordida.

Fase 4 – a Fase da Cólica

No dia seguinte o telefone toca. É ela, com uma voz chorosa, dizendo que está com uma cólica absurda, de não conseguir nem andar. Você vai à casa dela e ela te recebe dócil, superável. Faz uma cara de coitada, como se nada tivesse acontecido na noite anterior, e te pede pra ir à farmácia comprar um Atroveran, Ponstan ou Buscopan pra acabar com a dor dela.

Você sai pra comprar o remédio meio aliviado, meio desconfiado “O que aconteceu?”, você se pergunta. “Tudo bem.”, Você pensa. “Acho que ela se livrou do encosto.”, Pronto! A paz reina novamente. A cólica dobra (literalmente) a fera e vocês voltam a ser um casal feliz.

Pelo menos até daqui a 20 dias…

Anúncios

dezembro 27, 2006 Posted by | bobagens, Humor, Texto | 3 Comentários

The best apps of 2006

fonte: Geek to Live

Best apps of 2006

by Gina Trapani

2006 was another wild and wacky year in software and web development. While Google launched or acquired a new product every week, Intel Macs made the unholy marriage of Windows and OS X possible, Joe Schmoe’s became the self-made video stars of the web on YouTube, Internet Explorer got tabs and Microsoft finally ponied up the new version of Windows they’ve been promising (well, kinda.)

Here it is December and you know what that means: time for a best-of-the-year list. After the jump, check out my picks for best new software and web applications that rocked our world in 2006.

In no particular order:

Parallels (Virtual machine, $79.00)

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With Macs based on the Intel chip, the once-impossible has become a reality: a computer that runs both the Mac OS and Windows operating system. While Apple’s Boot Camp was a nice thought, forget rebooting your Mac to switch from OS X to Windows. With Parallels you can have the best of both operating systems at your fingertips, either on separate desktops or running in Coherence mode. THIS is the reason any on-the-fence switchers with cash for spendy Apple hardware and an affinity for that one Windows app will make the jump to a shiny new Mac.

Google Reader (Web-based feed reader, free)

My longtime love affair with Bloglines ended this year with a switch to Google’s new feed reader, and I’ve never looked back. If you’re a Gmail user, using Reader will be second nature; I can’t imagine going back to a feed reader without the one line post preview, keyboard shortcuts or tagging abilities GReader offers. For any power RSS subscribers (meaning, you keep up with more than a dozen feeds), Google Reader’s for you. Note: The first version of Google Reader that launched in October of 2005 barely turned my head; it was Reader’s major revision in September of this year that got it onto this list.

Windows Vista (Operating system, various editions and prices)

I risk losing any indie hacker cred I may have with this pick, but hear me out. While Vista hasn’t been released for home users yet, the fact that Microsoft made early versions of the new OS available as a free download to willing testers rates really high in my book. Being one of those willing testers, I was impressed with what Vista has in store for PC users early next year. Do I think Microsoft, as a company, is old and slow? Yes. Am I excited to show my Mom how to create a saved search folder on her PC? Yes.

Google Calendar (Web-based calendar, free)

I was a loyal and dedicated Yahoo! Calendar user for years, patiently enduring its antiquated user interface and monstrous entry forms. But after trying the dynamic Google Calendar, with easy calendar subscriptions and sharing and smart input (ie “Dinner with Mark at 6PM”), I was sold. Unlike Google Reader, Calendar got it right from the start.

Hamachi (VPN, free)

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With more and more folks running home servers or simply wanting to access their documents or stream their iTunes library across computers connected only via the loose strands of the internet, Hamachi’s free Virtual Private Networking client is an absolute savior. While Hamachi is more for us geeks than Average Joe, I don’t go on a business trip or walk down to the coffee shop without secure access to my home computer with Hamachi. Here’s more on how to create your own virtual private network with Hamachi. Note: Not sure if Hamachi was born in 2006, but LogMeIn bought it this past year, when it came onto our radars.

Campfire (In-browser group chat, free and paid plans)

While researching this article I was shocked to realize that Campfire only came out this past year, because I can’t – and don’t want to – remember working without it. While group chat is a pretty specific need – mostly for folks who work in the “virtual office” – it’s a godsend for any group of people who need to chat without wanting to wrangle with regular IM clients and services. Here’s more on how we use Campfire here at Lifehacker.

OpenDNS (Domain resolution, free)

For anyone whose ISP is cranky about resolving web pages, OpenDNS’ free, fast, and huge distributed database of domain names can seriously speed up your web browsing session. Plus OpenDNS automatically fixes common URL typos like lifehacker.cmo and uses community-policed phishing protection from PhishTank. Set this one up on your parents’ computer when you’re home for the holidays this month.

Foxmarks (Bookmarks synchronizer for Firefox, free)

Ok, so Foxmarks didn’t launch in 2006, but we first mentioned in here on LH in the last weeks of December ’05. However, at least 3 of the LH editors agree that Foxmarks is indispensable for seamless synchronization of your bookmarks from home to the office or from laptop to desktop or any number of computers. What’s that you say about Google Sync? Foxmarks beats Google Sync when it comes to bookmarks.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Ubuntu Linux (Open source operating system, free)

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Desktop Linux has been around for ages, but Ubuntu (“Linux for humans”) made a splash in 2006 among the geek set, including our very own Adam, who showed us how to triple-boot Windows XP, Vista and Ubuntu. You Ubuntu users should also check out Adam’s Top 10 Ubuntu apps and tweaks.

EveryStockPhoto (Stock photo search, free)

Sometimes it’s slow and most of the time I’d love to see evidence of a bit more movement behind the scenes at EveryStockPhoto, but it’s still one of my favorite places to find stock and Creative Commons-licensed images for use here on Lifehacker. With more and more folks publishing online and licensing their work for reuse, search engines like ESP are more important and necessary. Here are 6 ways to find reusable media.

Stikkit (Personal information manager)

The youngest and most immature application in the bunch, Stikkit (forgive me) stuck with me because of its input smarts and ability to organize unstructured data with flexibility and intelligence. Plus it’s pretty and fun to use, and in my opinion, is one of the best of “Web 2.0.”

Note: While Adam and Rick didn’t necessarily agree with all my choices, I’d like to thank them for their help putting together this list.

Ok lifehackers, here’s your chance to agree or disagree with me. What are your best of 2006 picks? Let us know in the comments.

Gina Trapani, the editor of Lifehacker, just loves end of the year best-of lists. Her semi-weekly feature, Geek to Live, appears every Wednesday and Friday on Lifehacker. Subscribe to the Geek to Live feed to get new installments in your newsreader.

dezembro 25, 2006 Posted by | Dicas, Ferramentas, Tips | Deixe um comentário

Descobri o significado do famoso teste da “farofa”…

dezembro 23, 2006 Posted by | bobagens | Deixe um comentário

Get a new look for your desktop with Mandolux

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Need to spruce up the old monitor? Try Mandolux, a collection of absolutely stunning photographs for your desktop.

All of these panoramic photographs are so beautiful that it’s hard to settle on just one, and the archives go clear back to 2002 with an average of six new desktops a month. Got any other really good desktop wallpaper sites to share? Thoughts in the comments. — Wendy Boswell

dezembro 19, 2006 Posted by | Tips | Deixe um comentário

Download of the Day: ProcessScanner (Windows)

Download of the Day: ProcessScanner (Windows)

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Windows only: Freeware program ProcessScanner takes a snapshot of your system’s running processes, uploads the results to its website, then lists them in a page with information on what each process does.

The results are color-coded to help identify the processes that pose potential threats to your system. Granted, you probably have some spyware/antivirus programs running on your computer that should keep an eye on those things as well, but ProcessScanner is useful not only for alerting you to potentially harmful processes, but also for getting a better idea of what non-essential processes are running. This would be a great app to have on hand next time you want to prune your processes to only the essentials. — Adam Pash

ProcessScanner [ProcessLibrary]

dezembro 19, 2006 Posted by | Dicas, Ferramentas, Tips | Deixe um comentário

15 unusual ways to use Google

from lifehacker

Tech-book site Informit offers 15 unusual ways to use Google Search, including tracking packages, converting units of measure and providing encyclopedic information:

What types of information are we talking about? Fact-based information, such as birthdates, birthplaces, population, and so on. All you have to do is enter a query that states the fact you want to know. For example: To find the population of San Francisco, enter population San Francisco. To find where Mark Twain was born, enter birthplace mark twain.

What types of information are we talking about? Fact-based information, such as birthdates, birthplaces, population, and so on. All you have to do is enter a query that states the fact you want to know. For example: To find the population of San Francisco, enter population San Francisco. To find where Mark Twain was born, enter birthplace mark twain.

Admittedly, these aren’t exactly new tips, and Google die-hards might already know most of them. But I must admit I was surprised by a few (Google can provide mathematical constants? Who knew?), so you might be, too. When you’re done, check out the site’s equally useful section on smarter searches.

dezembro 16, 2006 Posted by | Dicas, Ferramentas, Tecnologia, Tips | Deixe um comentário

Yugma, free web conferencing

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Web site Yugma offers free web conferencing sessions for up to 10 attendees (free version) to collaborate and share ideas online.

If Yugma sounds familiar, it’s probably reminding you of previously mentioned desktop sharing and collaboration tool, Vyew. You have to register with Yugma to use it; the free version has a lot of strong features, but if you need more, premium versions are available (see the features page for more). Yugma is totally browser based (with a little bit of Java thrown in) and works on both Macs and PCs. — Adam Pash

Yugma

dezembro 16, 2006 Posted by | Dicas, Ferramentas, Tecnologia, Tips | Deixe um comentário

Os brutos também choram…

dezembro 14, 2006 Posted by | bobagens | Deixe um comentário

As Arveres somos Nozes

Um gênio da locução…

dezembro 13, 2006 Posted by | Uncategorized | 3 Comentários

Download of the Day: ProcessTamer (Windows)

processtamer.png

Windows only: Freeware system tray app ProcessTamer is a lightweight CPU usage monitoring tool that watches your computer for CPU hogs and “tames” them before they freeze up your computer.

ProcessTamer does this by changing the priority of applications with wildly escalating CPU usage. This is one of those apps you’ll have to try for yourself to decide whether it works for your situation, but if you have an app or two that constantly locks up your computer when you open it or perform a certain operation, ProcessTamer is definitely worth a look. It’s Windows only freeware, but to use ProcessTamer without the nag message, you need to give the site an email address in order to get a free license key (if you don’t want to hand out your email, you can always get a fake one). — Adam Pash

ProcessTamer [DonationCoder via freewaregenius]

dezembro 13, 2006 Posted by | Dicas, Ferramentas, Tips | Deixe um comentário